Veepenstein #16

The Baron's Most Prized Objet D'Art

Gerolsteiner Cycling Team Says It Only Abuses

'Fun-Enhancing' Drugs

Bill O'Reilly Rebuked by Republican Base for Omitting

'Child Molesters' and 'Sodomites' in the Epithets He Has

Hurled at Daily Kos

It began to dawn on President Bush that he and Prime

Minister Brown were separated by a common language.

Botanists Say Baobab Trees Trapped Beneath Glass Ceiling

Russian Doctors Baffled by 'Vladivostok Syndrome'

Alberto had the feeling the future was about to run into

him head-on, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

They really pulled out the stops at Thunderdome this year.

Riot Police Celebrating Peruvian Independence Day

When a suspected suicide bomber approaches you with his hands

over his ears, it's probably a good time to duck and cover.

Alberto Contador Leads Discovery Channel Team to Victory

in the 94th Tour de Pharma

Palestinian Woman Searches for Blade of Grass

in Gaza Strip, Doesn't Find One

Each year, triathletes migrate thousands of miles before returning

to their natal stream to spawn.

Zack de la Rocha to Be Lead Singer of New Band Targeting

the Hearing-Impaired, Rage Against the Amplifiers

High-Rise Window Cleaners Busted for Smoking Rope

Ballbuster Busted by His Own Balls

Things to Avoid #3

Brushing a Crocodile's Teeth

Ann Coulter was all smiles when she was presented with a

Doc Johnson Highjoy Internet-Enabled Rabbit Vibrator

on the Late, Late Show with Craig Ferguson.

"I know where you live and I see who you are!"

His hands had become deadly weapons,

but Keiichiro still cried for his Mommy.

"Awwkk! I bet you don't know the Norwegian Blue had to do this

ridiculous unicycle act for thirty years before it got rich off the

'Dead Parrot Sketch'."

Do you remember the gaffe that ended Don Imus'

radio career? You don't? Well, as the saying goes,

"Time heals all wounds and wounds all heels."

Truth in Advertising #1

Boxwell Brothers Funeral Directors

Amarillo, Texas

Imagine Fearguth camping and hiking in the Pecos Wilderness

and the Weminuche Wilderness until the end of July.

Imagine Fearguth imagining you imagining that.

Isn't imagination amazing?

Lloyd Mager wants you to know he is a conch blower,

not a conch sucker.

Would you say this monty is half full or half empty?

Harriet Miers' Ass Refuses to Sit in House

Judiciary Committee Chair

"Is al-Qaida weaker or stronger than it was on September

11, 2001?" asks Frances Townsend, Assistant to the President

for Homeland Security. "It's weaker if the talking point is how

President Bush is leading us to victory in the war on terror.

It's stronger if the talking point is why criticism of President

Bush makes us more susceptible to terrorist attack."

"Nuh, uh, uh! Possession is 9/10ths of the law, homeboy!"

Earmark the Pig Feeding on Taxpayer the Dog

Veepenstein #15

The Baron has trained his dog to bite

small children on the butt.

"Isn't it amazing, Mr. Vice President, how we are able to

make grown men wear ridiculous uniforms and stand

at attention while we strut like Oriental potentates?"

"I'm tired of being the dictator of Afghanistan and

you're tired of being the dictator of the United States.

What say we trade jobs, even steven?"

British Prime Minister Reportedly Fond of

Sour Patch Kids

Creationists Gone Wild

(But Without Any Tits)

The Face That Launched a Thousand Slips

World's Worst Jobs #49

Bangladeshi Earthen Pot Stacker

Thinking you're better than someone else indicates

you don't think better than anybody else.

"Just for the hell of it, Mr. Gonzales, would you hazard

a guess as to what percentage of your brain is used for

what you do recall as opposed to what you don't?"

"Hello, is this 911?"

"Yes."

"I would like to report a wildfire near Lake Tahoe."

"Not to worry. It's just a controlled burn."

Why Rush Limbaugh No Longer Abuses Oxycontin

"If Dick wasn't asleep right now, he would tell you what

a great success the surge in Iraq has been."

Welcome to the Republican Party

Home of the Blackest Hearts

and the Whitest People

Representative Tom Tancredo (R-CO) was the only Republican

presidential candidate to address the NAACP Annual Convention

in Detroit. All the other candidates were too busy appeasing the

Republican Party's white rightist base to attend.

In his spare time, David Broder breeds bipartisan zebras.

Most people don't know this, but readers of Bildungblog do.

"If a man, like Senator Vitter, has values and standards," says

Representative Richard Baker (R-LA), "but does not always

live up to them, it does nothing to discredit the validity of those

values and standards, and he is far preferable to those timid souls,

like Fearguth, who, without values and standards, cannot fall

short of them, nor ever run the risk of being charged with hypocrisy."

Winner of USA Outdoor Turkey Toss Barbecues Trophy,

Eats It

"I don't mean to be disrespectful, officer, but your side

headlock technique is pretty amateurish."

While it is true leopards do not change their spots,

they have been known to sell them if the price is right.