Mahmoud Abbas Expelled from Middle East

Peace Conference for 'Looking Too Scary'

Portrait of Mahmoud Abbas Kidnapped,

Held at Gunpoint

"God is great. I bear witness that there is none worthy of

worship except God. I bear witness that Muhammad is the

Messenger of God. Hamas be damned. God is great."

Khaled and Mahmoud were awed at the sight of the oldest,

biggest, and most sacred wingnut in the world.

Massimo D'Alema, the Italian Minister of Foreign Affairs,

couldn't believe he had blurted out, "Mahmoud Abbas,

your doctoral dissertation really blows!"