In a SINGLE DAY, a general in Thailand has achieved what

President Bush has been striving toward for FIVE YEARS:

suspension of the Constitution, termination of both Houses

of Congress and the Supreme Court. If this isn't proof positive

of our President's incompetence, what is?

Asked why he had parked his car in a

handicapped spot, Joe Lieberman replied,

"I have a vision impairment." Asked why

the numeral '2' appears on his license

plate, he responded, "Did you say '2'? I

always thought it was a 'J' for 'Joementum'."

"Hello, Ambassador Bolton? This is Pico the Walrus calling.

I hear your nomination is in jeopardy. That's too bad,

because you're the only member of our species at the UN

right now."

King Midas Takes a Short Break From Turning

Everything into Gold

Effigy of Pope Burned in Iraq, the Cradle of Civilization

Fans at This Year's Zorro's Black Whip Convention

"Eek! a bull!"

Puppeteer plays fly ball to deep left field perfectly.

They don't call Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, President

of Liberia, the 'Iron Lady' for nothing.

Perfect equilibrium between authority and liberty on

Planet Earth will be attained when there is one soldier,

one citizen. This soldier is looking for a citizen, and he

has his eyes on you.

This Mari tribal chieftain in Baluchistan is more

sensitive about what people say about his beard

than what they about his gun, his hat, his wardrobe,

or his religion. Suggestion: if you run into him on a

Baluchistan street, say, "Dude, if I may be so cool,

your beard rules!"

We've been told time and time again to "keep your

eye on the ball." But how are you supposed to do

that when it's sitting on top of your head?

For a few frightening seconds, Oliver Stone felt his body

being invaded by the demonic spirit of Oliver North. So he

bit his tongue really hard and that seemed to keep it at bay.

Why do we remember the Red Baron? Because he was

the pilot with at least 73 confirmed kills during WWI.

Why have we forgotten the Orange Baron? Because he

took off, crashed into the sea, and sank without a trace.

Even after they reached old age, Ann Althouse and Helen Smith

mocked younger women who didn't wear Mayan Hooter Hats.

Remember when 'Puffed Rice' was 'Shot from Guns'?

Well, it still is.

Disguised as a German officer, Karl Rove has been

using the Enigma Machine in an attempt to confound

Democrats in the fall elections. What he doesn't know

is that a Democrat, disguised as Alan Turing, has it all

figured out and is reading 'Bush's brain' like a dime novel.

British policemen never look forward to

National Shoe Fly Day.

Pope Benedict Wipes Egg Off Face Before Eating Crow

"I'm saying that nobody knows what humiliating treatment is.

What does it mean?" It means you are Stephen Hadley, National

Security Adviser, and you are playing the fool on national television.

Indonesian Muslim Nonviolently Disagreeing

with the Pope

When DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff 'makes eyes' at one

of his subordinates, it only means, "You're so far down the

chain of command you're lucky to be a missing link."

What if, suddenly, all of the metallic weapons

on Earth were suddenly sucked into space

by a giant electromagnet? Wouldn't that

be wonderful? Yes, it would. But, the

day after that, people would still be killing

each other with all sorts of non-metallic objects,

including their bare hands. So, buy a gun, join the

NRA, and become a law-abiding pessimist.

Just ask Jonathan Woodgate and Thierry Henry what

it's like to play soccer in a gravity-free environment.

Jessica Valenti, the young woman in the center of this

group portrait, has apologized to Ann Althouse for having

a nice pair of knockers and for not being 55-years-old.

When you encounter this vehicle on the highway,

this lady will be driving the pilot car.

Tushar Khandker once owned a Hyundai and he's

been taking revenge on the company ever since.

'Tragicomic' is a useful adjective to characterize the human

condition. One day we build as if there were no tomorrow:

that's the comic part. Then tomorrow comes and we blow

it all to smithereens: that's the tragic part. Or maybe it's

the other way round.

"There's a bit more breathing room over there."

Andy Panda Before Walter Lantz Made Him a Star

Robert Mugabe, President of Zimbabwe, Falls Under

Raúl Castro's Spell at the Non-Aligned Summit

"Paul, it says here the authors will be publishing a

sequel to Good Intentions Corrupted: The Oil-for-Food

Scandal and the Threat to the U.N. The title will be

Bad Intentions Fulfilled: The Blood-for-Oil Scandal

and the Threat to the U.S."

The Vanity of Ann Althouse

World's Worst Jobs #6

Havana Laundromat Attendant

These folks were first in line for this year's

Oktoberfest in Munich, where 1.5 million

gallons of beer will be consumed over the

next three weeks. No doubt they were also

at the front of the line to use the PortaJohns.

Is Iraq in the middle of a 'civil' war?

Absolutely not. It it were, the answer

to Bob Dole's question would be 'civil'.

But right now, the answer is anything but

'civil': a roadside bomb, a rocket-propelled

grenade, or a 'shoot-and-scoot' mortar round.

Sometimes money talks, sometimes it doesn't.

Mr. Smiley Face swears he loves us,

except when he's not smiling.

Outfitted and equipped only with kitchenware from Emeril

Lagasse's secret stash, the Moonbat on the left will duel

the Wingnut on the right in this week's Iron Blogger

Lutefisking competition.

Only three Holy Huggable dolls are available right

now: Holy Moses, Jesus H. Christ, and Polly Esther

Poontang. The Jesus doll also quotes a passage

from some recently-discovered 'lost gospel', where

the Savior says: "As foretold by the prophet Isaiah,

'Mary Magdalene gives really good head'."

After the attacks of 9/11, Gary Weddle vowed not

to shave until Osama bin Laden had been brought

to justice. Well, it's over five years later and Gary's

beard is over a foot long, which is even longer than

President Bush's attention span.

"Yes, my child. The Princess kissed the toad and

the toad remained the same. But the Princess became

Ann Coulter."

Orkin Men Fumigating for Giant Cockroaches in Ahmedabad

Michael Fumento has confirmed he will be playing the starring

role in War of the Colossal Beast 2: Speedo's Revenge.

If we could see the world in strictly physical terms,

as a nexus of causes and effects, we would probably

not like to live there.

The Instapundit we knew and loved as a libertarian is

no more. In his place there now sits some fatuous

authoritarian who calls himself Glenn Reynolds.

When Parallel Universes Collide

In the distance you can see what is called

'the moral high ground'. Nobody lives up

there except God and George Bush.

President Bush's new dentures won't be ready

until next week.