Soccer is a game where the players

are paid for using their heads.

Politics isn't.

Former Infant Displays Tattoo Awarded for Being a

Gerber's Baby That Didn't Spit Up Strained Spinach

Every time Jose Sand exposed his axillary hairs,

the crowd went wild.

"OK, guys, where did you hide my Axe Dark

Temptation body spray?"

NASA officials had predicted Asteroid 2007 WD5 would

strike Mars. Well, they were only off by one planet, close

enough for government work.

"Jeez, Zlatan! You can't imagine how happy I am

that you're so tall and I'm so short!"

"Yo, Nike! Your product endorsers

are insignoramuses!"

"Keep your chin up, Jason! You'll die so fast

you'll never know what hit you."

Looks like what Hakan needs right now is some

Orajel Maximum Strength.

"Gosh! My end is nearer than I thought!"

"Righto, Rolf, there is something perversely satisfying about taking

a beer bath, fully clothed, in the middle of a soccer field!"

"Isn't it amazing, Carlos, how we get away with

blatant public displays of homoeroticism in the

name of sports?"

Conjoined Twins Share Common Ball

"Sheesh, bro, you've got the most deviated

septum I've ever seen!"

Soccer stars suck on things because sucking is

one of their natural reflexes.

Only now did Becks realize he should have worn

Huggies Pull-Ups with Cool Alert.

Soccer Player Gone Wild

Trained seals do this for a lot less money.

The sequel to The Man Who Fell to Earth (1976) was

The Man Who Said It Wasn't His Fault (2007).

It got to the point that his teammates just ignored

him when he flew off the handle.