"I've got an idea. Why not make Skeletor Attorney General?

That way he can do for the Justice Department what he

did for New Orleans."

"It turns out my gut feeling about an al-Qaida attack

this summer was nothing more than a flashback to the

day my proctologist said, 'Bend over, Mike, this may

hurt just a little bit'."

"Wouldn't you agree, Secretary Chertoff, that all the unfilled

positions in the Department of Homeland Security means

you're doing a lot more nothing for a lot less money?"

When DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff 'makes eyes' at one

of his subordinates, it only means, "You're so far down the

chain of command you're lucky to be a missing link."

Skeletor patiently explained to the Senators how the

Destructo-Rays that emanate from his hands would

keep America safe from terrorists and hurricanes.

But some solons remained skeptical.

Skeletor patiently explained to the Senators how the

Destructo-Rays that emanate from his hands would

keep America safe from terrorists and hurricanes.

But some solons remained skeptical.

"I think it would be a horribly over-expensive and very

difficult way to manage this problem," DHS Secretary

Michael Chertoff said last December. He was obviously

reading the old script about using the National Guard

to deal with illegal immigration.

"I think it would be a horribly over-expensive and very

difficult way to manage this problem," DHS Secretary

Michael Chertoff said last December. He was obviously

reading the old script about using the National Guard

to deal with illegal immigration.

Skeletor had just about reached the conclusion that

he needed a hearing aid.

Skeletor had just about reached the conclusion that

he needed a hearing aid.

Homeland Security chief Michael

Chertoff is optimistic that the Chinese

will agree to sell the Great Wall of China

and move it to the U. S.-Mexico border.

"My enemies call me Skeletor,

my friends call me Chertoff,

my President calls me Mikey,

and I'd say I'm doing a heckuva job."

Don't Fuck with Skeletor!