Have you ordered your Fearguth Jam Cruise Action Figure yet?

It comes complete with a George Dickel Cap, a pair of cheap

sunglasses, a RAQ Rocks You! T-Shirt, a used Olympus Stylus

400 Camera, and the least expensive watch Wal-Mart sells.

If you don't know how much it costs, you can't afford it. But go

ahead and order it anyway, so you can overextend yourself

and book a room in the poorhouse like everybody else.

Litoria Prora, AKA the 'Acne Frog', says the active ingredient

in Proactiv must be the infomercials. "Paulina Rubio, Kelly

Clarkson, and Jessica Simpson really make me jump," it says.

"Be one of the first 500 to order our 100% organic

FungiFun Dildo for only $19.95, and we'll send you

a second one ABSOLUTELY FREE! Call now!"

For just $75 million, payable in 3 EasyPay installments,

this face can be plastered on every TV screen in Iran.

And in just 30 days, the U.S. will take a giant step

toward winning the war on terror.

Guaranteed!

So call the number on your screen now. Operators are standing by.

But wait! There's more!