When approaching an Erogenous Zone, don't forget

to wear your hard hat.

"OK, guys, where did you hide my Axe Dark

Temptation body spray?"

"Yeah, tomorrow is Global Orgasm Day. They say it's

supposed to create world peace, boost social justice, and

reduce global warming. All I know is I need to get a nut

really bad."

Can you imagine a pin-up calendar with no sex in it?

Can you imagine George Walker Bush having sex?

You get the idea.

Early on, tigers develop a hankering for

a nice piece of tail.

On the eve of the Fourth Day of Zappadan, RAQ whipped

up some dragon lotion for their version of 'Dirty Love'.

Rudy Giuliani's love nest was carpeted with shag,

i. e., a rug with a thick rough pile.

"Isn't it amazing, Carlos, how we get away with

blatant public displays of homoeroticism in the

name of sports?"

Things can get pretty rough in women's

Kama-Sutra Wrestling.

Why There Are Lechers

"Did you know that more than 1,000 professional studies

in the past 30 years all connect TV programming with

excessively violent and promiscuous sexual behavior

in young people? Why, the situation today is almost as bad

as it was when I was fornicating with Ann-Margret in

State Fair back in 1962. Surely you don't want to see a

return of the 1960s, do you? So please fill out Pat Boone's TV

Decency Survey today!"

Polymorphous perversity has finally killed Norman Mailer.

But good godamighty, at least it took 84 years to do it.

"Toy delivers 'date-rape' drug when ingested"

When he was forty years younger, Robert Plant sang

'Whole Lotta Love'. Now he sings, 'Little Bitta Love

(If I'm Lucky)'.

Soccer Player Gone Wild

Tony and Julie will tell you there's nothing quite like being

watched making love in an Airbus 380 at 30,000 feet.

Senator Larry Craig Inducted Into Idaho Stall of Fame

For years, Pricasso has been painting portraits with his penis.

How he has kept it up for so long is a closely-guarded secret.

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?"

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Undergoing World's First In-Game

Sex-Change Operation