"Mom, have I ever told you how glad I am

you didn't mate with Rick Perry?"

Hunter-and-gatherer rock star Ted Nugent has picked

Texas Governor Rick Perry to be his running mate in

the race for leadership of the Neoconfederate Machine

Gun Lovers & Non-English-Speakers Haters Association.

Yesterday, about 500 people rallied in Crawford demanding

tighter border security. Where else on earth would Republican

Governor Rick Perry be viewed as too liberal? Nowhere but Texas.

Texas Governor Rick Perry is like

that annoying rattle in your car:

you can't figure out what's causing it,

and it just won't go away.