Scientists say they have no idea why Ted Nugent didn't

become extinct when all the other dinosaurs did.

Ted Nugent says he is "almost Ward Cleaver-ish,

but with more guns and enthusiasm."

Hunter-and-gatherer rock star Ted Nugent has picked

Texas Governor Rick Perry to be his running mate in

the race for leadership of the Neoconfederate Machine

Gun Lovers & Non-English-Speakers Haters Association.