Tom Tancredo Drops Out of Presidential Race,

Says He's Still in the Race for Outer Space

Tom Tancredo, Republican Eliminationist, Hires Illegal

Immigrants to Renovate His Commodious McMansion

North Korean in Custody After Illegally Tunneling

from Pyongyang to Happy, Texas

Here we see the fearless Fearguth shortly before he

prevented a Mexican bear from illegally migrating

from the Sierra Del Carmens into Big Bend

National Park. This picture is brought to you

courtesy of one of Fearguth's corporate sponsors,

Lou's Fish 'n Cheese House, located in beautiful

downtown Two Harbors, Minnesota.

"Tell me, Ted. When did you get it in your head that

Jesus was a Negro?"

Congressman Changes Name to 'Jefferson Smith'; Says

'Tom Tancredo' Made Him Sound Like an Immigrant

Lou Dobbs Trying to Outrun an Illegal Alien on ESPN

In celebration of the 20th anniversary of Shark Week, the Discovery

Channel will air exclusive footage of Michelle Malkin landing what

she now admits was not a Great Brown Shark.

Senator David Vitter (R-LA) claims his name was on the D.C.

Madam's phone list because he had been doing undercover

work to expose illegal immigrants disguised as sex workers.

After a long night of waterboarding by the President,

Republican hardliners finally confessed they are members

of al-Qaida. But they still refused to vote for his immigration

reform plan.

Tom Tancredo apparently only has a problem with aliens

from Mexico, not from Outer Space.

"But do you understand, Senator McCain, what the NewYork Times wants, and the far-left want? They want to breakdown the white, Christian, male power structure, which you'rea part of, and soam I, and they want to bring in millionsof foreign nationals to basically break down the structurethat we have. We've simply got to put a cap on the numberof Keith Olbermann fans allowed to enter this country!"

"Because when it comes to 'F**k yous!', no obscene utterance

compares to the George W. Bush-backed, RNC-backed,

Kennedy-conspired, fantasy-based amnesty profanity unleashed

on conservatives and the country."

Tune in again next week for another moving Moment with Michelle,

brought to you by HeadOn.

Anti-Immigration Protester Deported for

Apostrophe Smuggling

"He ain't heavy, he's my homie."

Half-Hearted Russian Nationalist

"You say you're going to build a wall around your land

and call it 'Fortress America'? Well, you'd better get

busy, because there's a lot more of us headed your way."

Former senator Zell Miller believes abortion is the

cause of today's military manpower shortage, Social

Security crisis, and illegal immigration. He also

believes that raising your right arm and saying, "Sieg

Heil," just means "Have a nice day."

Tower of Babel Collapses; Congressman Tom Tancredo

Thought to Be Buried in Multicultural Rubble

''Look at what has happened to Miami,'' said Tom Tancredo.

"It has become a Third World country, and I have become a

First World nincompoop."