Texas Republican candidate for the U. S. House of Representatives

Dean Hrbacek mailed out a campaign brochure the other day

which contains a picture of

his head photoshopped on another man's much slimmer body.

Ironically, the candidate's website features the headline,

"Republican Dean Hrbacek Exposes Opponents

Resume Enhancements."

"Mom, have I ever told you how glad I am

you didn't mate with Rick Perry?"

North Korean in Custody After Illegally Tunneling

from Pyongyang to Happy, Texas

Chancellor Merkel wasn't too keen on the President's

idea of making Ray Wylie Hubbard's "Screw You, We're

From Texas" America's new national anthem.

Next year, the Republican Party will hold its national

convention in a big white tent in Whiteface, Texas.

"We're Aborigines, President Bush. You may have met some

of our relatives who live up over in Crawford, Texas."

Hunter-and-gatherer rock star Ted Nugent has picked

Texas Governor Rick Perry to be his running mate in

the race for leadership of the Neoconfederate Machine

Gun Lovers & Non-English-Speakers Haters Association.

Yesterday, about 500 people rallied in Crawford demanding

tighter border security. Where else on earth would Republican

Governor Rick Perry be viewed as too liberal? Nowhere but Texas.

Texas Governor Rick Perry is like

that annoying rattle in your car:

you can't figure out what's causing it,

and it just won't go away.

"You know, people say to me, my buddies in Texas,

'How do you handle all this stuff?'

You know, after you've been George Bush for as long

as I have, you just have to get used to it."