"And if I'm elected President, all illegal immigrants will be

deported, all people with AIDS will be quarantined, all

homosexuals will be exiled to Ganymede, the Constitution will

be replaced by God's Will, everybody will be required to keep

and bear arms, a squirrel will be in every popcorn popper,

and the Confederate flag will fly over everything.

Come, Lord Jesus!"

"Don't believe a word of what Mike Huckabee says about how

good squirrel chili is. Take it from me: it will harden your

arteries and soften your wedding tackle!"

"I hear there are all kinds of nuts in Iran, Mr. President.

So just give the order, and I'll be the first to crack'em!"

Rocky the Flying Squirrel has had his pilot's license

revoked and has been permanently grounded after

pushing Bullwinkle over a cliff in the Grand Canyon.

Pookie the Squirrel Violates Ban on Feeding Humans