"As you can see, Vice President Cheney, Secretary

Paulson, and I could really use a stimulus package

right now. Uh, you guys got any blow you could spare?"

"I'm sure people view me as a warmonger and

I view myself as a peacemaker."

"You kissed my dad on the lips. Why not me?"

"You can store the entire contents of President Bush's brain on the

new 8 Gb iPod Na-Nu Na-Nu and still have over 7 gig to spare."

"There is no doubt in my mind," said President Bush,

"when history is written, the final page will say:

Victory in Iraq was achieved by the United States

of America for the good of the world."

"Worst President ever? Well, at least I

outdid my old man."

President Bush is blaming the writers' strike for the

bad jokes he told while on his state visit to Israel.

One of these days, the inheritors of Cindy Sheehan's socks

will probably make a fortune selling them on eBay.

George Bush Trounces Al Gore Again, Wins Coveted

Golden Duke Award

"I'll let you in on a little secret, Mr. President.

I'm crazier than a fish with titties!"

"If I hear someone say 'compassionate conservatism' one

more time, I'm going to finally lose my composure!"

The Unexpurgated Bible #6

"And Schwarzenegger looked, and, behold, the bush burnedwith fire, and it was not consumed. So he sued the bush forexcessive carbon dioxide emissions."

Can you imagine a pin-up calendar with no sex in it?

Can you imagine George Walker Bush having sex?

You get the idea.

"Mr. President, I'm sure you've heard of Iran's new

Bushehr Nucular Power Plant. Do you know if it

was named in your honor or your father's?"

"I keep a copy of this in my bathroom, right next

to Jokes for the John."

On tonight's episode of You Bet Your Life, the

secret word was 'Bush'. Since none of the guests

ever uttered it, the wooden Indian never dropped

and the contestants didn't win $100.

Convicted Perjurer Drops Appeal; Says Commutation

of Sentence Not Enough, Wants Pardon and Medal

of Freedom

"Funny, Karen, Jim Glassman doesn't kiss on the lips, either."

George Bush, the ¿Quién Sabe? President

"OK, Nancy, I won't say that you 'completely capitulated'

on the war funding bill. I'll just say you 'caved'."