"I'm sure people view me as a warmonger and

I view myself as a peacemaker."

The little boys wondered what kind of mischief their

wild and crazy parents would think up next.

"We have views on our Op-Ed page," writes Andrew Rosenthal,

"that are as hawkish or more so than Bill Kristol's. Take the

views of Swainson Hawke, for instance."

Warhawk Loses Perch at Time, Is Forced to

Find Another Way to Feather Nest

The grandmother still remembered the days of Shuck and Awe.

Citing economies of scale and the importance of competitve

balance, War Czar Douglas Lute is calling for the merger

of all conflicts in the Middle East and South Asia--in

Iraq, Iran, Pakistan, Israel/Palestine, and Afghanistan--

into one general megawar. "For want of a better term,

let's just call it World War III," he says.

Turkey Quarantined After Attempting to

Invade Northern Iraq

Bill Kristol Having a Wargasm

"Better hop aboard, Gordon, or you'll be late for World War III!"

Pentagon Unveils Newest Weapon in the

Global War on Terror: the Trojan Cock

American Empire #15

Preventive War

"Yes, I am a Dog of War. But, quite frankly,

I would prefer to stay on my leash."

"I hear there are all kinds of nuts in Iran, Mr. President.

So just give the order, and I'll be the first to crack'em!"

Blintzkrieg

Candlelight Vigil on the Impossible Planet

American Empire #3

Battlefield Geometry

This Afghani child can't decide whether she should be an

optimist or a pessimist. Can you help her decide?

"This is DA1939 calling. Where's the rest of

the goddamned blitzkreig? Over."

There's nothing quite so satisfying on a hot summer day than

cool, clear water. That's why, in the age of global warming,

the last great war will be fought over water.

"Pardon me, boys, but I need to put out this brushfire

war before it erupts into a full-scale conflagration."