"And if I'm elected President, all illegal immigrants will be

deported, all people with AIDS will be quarantined, all

homosexuals will be exiled to Ganymede, the Constitution will

be replaced by God's Will, everybody will be required to keep

and bear arms, a squirrel will be in every popcorn popper,

and the Confederate flag will fly over everything.

Come, Lord Jesus!"

Close associates of Jonah Goldberg say the real reason

he hates Mike Huckabee is the fact that Huckabee lost

100 lbs. of ugly fat without having to throw his mother

into the East River.

The Politico Illustrated #5"Mitt-Huck brawl blazes"

Fred Thompson Before He Took His MetamucilFred Thompson After

"If I had my way," says Ed Rollins, Huckabee's campaign

manager, "I would drop to my knees and fire at the groin

of Mitt Romney. When he fell, I would then kick him in

the teeth. It's like being a boxer when you're young. To me,

hitting somebody, knocking somebody down, is a great feeling."

"When the barber said, 'Shave and a haircut, six bits', I

thought I had died and gone to Arkansas."

The Politico Illustrated #4

"Huck feels the heat"

"Don't believe a word of what Mike Huckabee says about how

good squirrel chili is. Take it from me: it will harden your

arteries and soften your wedding tackle!"

Mike Huckabee, Gunhugger

Republican boomers in Iowa are falling like dominoes for

Mike Huckabee

because he reminds them so much of one of their

favorite cartoon characters.

“The inmates at Guantanamo are getting a whole lot

better treatment than students at Southwestern Baptist

Theological Seminary. In fact, I hope they don’t see how

nice it is down there, because they’ll all want to transfer

to Guantanamo."

Hillary Clinton Accused of 'Pulling a Huckabee' for

Her Use of Subliminal Christian Symbolism

National Review Endorses Governor Not-Huckabee

Mike Huckabee Decries the 'Arrogant Bunker Mentality'

of the Bush Administration

"My first two acts as President will be to get the US

out of the UN and to appoint Chuck Norris as our

ambassador to the World Combat League."

"Remember, America, God has chosen us to be a peculiar

people. And the most peculiar thing you can do in 2008

is to put me in the White House!"

Mike Huckabee Cites Osama Bin Laden As

Proof of the Mormon Belief That

Jesus and the Devil Are Brothers

Huckabee Gaining on Romney in Iowa

Walker, Texas Ranger, Endorses Mike Huckabee for President;

Analysts Say Move Means Martial Arts and Country-Western

Vote No Longer in Play

Ménage Atrocity