Close associates of Jonah Goldberg say the real reason

he hates Mike Huckabee is the fact that Huckabee lost

100 lbs. of ugly fat without having to throw his mother

into the East River.

"There's a good reason why all hippopotamuses are overweight,

little one. But I'm too full at the moment to remember what it is."

But then he started receiving a monthly bill for the

number of cubic feet his body occupied. Shortly

thereafter, he declared bankruptcy and went into

receivership.

Drudgery Report #2

Being a judge in Moscow's Miss Fatty Contest

would be drudgery.

Million Pounds of Ground Beef Recalled; "Yes," Says

World's Fattest Man, "I Remember Eating Them All"

"Mr. Klaudt, when was the last time you saw your

cock? And do you remember what it looked like?"