Police Still Failing to Keep Drag Racing Off DC Streets

Cranioscope Shows Interior of Race-Car-Driver's

Head Looks Like Checker Auto Parts

When Mr. McDonald's refuses to shake hands with Mr. Red Bull,

you know it must be time for another episode of Family Feud.

"If you said, 'George Bush can take his request for another

$50 billion for the Iraq War and shove it up his ass!', I hear

you. If you didn't, say again."

Competition is keen in this year's Congressional Earmark Derby.

From time immemorial, horse racing has always had its fans.

Newborn Formula One Race Car Hits the Ground

Running with Umbilical Cord Still Attached

Race Officials Say Formula One Crash Due to "No Intel Inside"

"By my calculation, Speed, if we push the Mach 5 to the limit,

we can drop Pops' pants off at the cleaners, pick up some

bananas for Chim Chim at Wal-Mart, take Spritle to baseball

practice, have Sparky change the oil, stop at the post office

to mail Trixie's birthday card, and still beat Racer X to the

finish line by, say, a good five to ten hundredths of a second."