If State Senator Ralph Davenport's proposed

ban on sex toys in South Carolina becomes law,

the South may never rise again.

Although Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead,

President Fidel Castro is still alive. Those damned Hispanics

sure know how to keep life insurance underwriters off balance.

Not only did the entire cast of The Rocky Horror Picture

Show sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom at the White House,

but they also stole the bed, which was last seen on a street

in Key West, Florida.

Karl Rove finally lost patience with Patrick Fitzgerald,

the G-Man who had been stalking him for months.

"Come out and take it," Rove shouted, "you dirty,

yellow-bellied rat, or I'll give it to you through the door!"

Now we have a better idea what President Bush means

when he talks about being guided by his gut feelings.

Godfather of Lou Costello Crime Family

Spotted Fleeing Scene of Raid on Bush, Inc.

District Attorney Arthur Branch and His Wife,

the Little Mermaid

Slow Day in the Italian Senate

When traveling by rail in China, be prepared to

catch a few winks any way you can.

Steve Bridges Impersonating George Bush Impersonating the President

No one had told the toreador that the bull was also

a world-class gymnast.

Bearclaw Mohawk, one of Lord Humungus'

lieutenants, shows what he thinks of Mel Gibson.

Big Baby Playing with Cry Baby

Minuteman Builds Barbed-Wire Fence Designed to Keep

Really Tall Mexicans from Entering the U. S. Illegally

This model is wearing a garment crafted

by a needleworker who was listening to

the Krankies sing 'The Haggis Song'.

Without a gun, a man just isn't a man.

This velociraptor is very hungry and has his eye on you.

Blowjobs never get any safer than this.

Isaac Couto, a Brazilian sand sculptor, spends a

week to complete one of his magnificent creations.

And despite his best efforts, it will collapse in about

three months. His sculptures give added poignance

to the Jimi Hendrix lyric, "And so castles made of

sand fall in the sea, eventually."

Representative Betty Musgrave couldn't believe

her ears when a colleague got his tongue twisted

and referred to her as a "mad cow from Colorado."

Rush Limbaugh tried to deny he had been

'doctor shopping', but his mouth was so full

of painkillers, all that came out was,

"Eyffnoogdrispd."

Melonin Nuonomvi of France Crosses Maginot Line,

Invades Bernhard Mayr of Germany

Various theories have been proposed to explain

North Carolina politics. So far, none of them can

make a lick of sense out of Vernon Robinson.

In Haiti, everybody is starving, not just artists.

"It's like when the Apostle Paul went on his

missionary journeys. He always carried the King

James Version of the Bible with him. That's why

I think the National Anthem ought to be sung

in English, just like Jesus did."

If you've ever doubted that Republicans are dickheads,

doubt no more.

Pinch Sulzberger was really disappointed when

the World's Richest Man refused to join him

in a little mano-a-mano action.

Roy Black, attorney for Rush Limbaugh,

has been held in contempt of court for

wearing a ludicrous coat and tie before

the judge.

Prayer will probably work about as well as

President Bush's 'four-point plan to slash

gas prices'.

For a long time, the unread books on your

bookshelf have been beseeching you to

'Read Me'! Apparently, they have grown tired of

you ignoring their plea. So they've now moved

into the street. Either read them now, or ignore

them at your own risk.

As this Chinese soldier shows, except when the other guy

is trying to kill you or you are trying to kill him, military

service is pretty boring.

New York Republican Representative John Sweeney

was a big hit when he showed up drunk as a skunk at

the Alpha Delta Phi party at Union College in Albany,

New York, late last Friday night. But what most impressed

the frats was the fact the Congressman had achieved his high

from eating a single stromboli and drinking only a half-glass

of wine.

Underneath the disguise of Snoop Dogg is Calvin

Broadus, just another rapacious Robber Baron

whose wealth gives him the might to, for instance,

create a fracas in Great Britain that leaves seven

policeman injured, and then to move on to the next

stop on his current 'Fuck the World' tour.

John Prescott, British Deputy Prime Minister,

had just sent out a leaflet extolling the

domestic harmony with his wife when it was

revealed that he has been carrying on a two-year

affair with his aide, Tracey Temple. Prescott is

68, his paramour is 43. When God created Adam

and Eve, is this what he had in mind?

This model is demonstrating the

latest fashion in whiplicking. After

walking off the runway, she was asked

by a fashion reporter if there had

been any changes in whiplicking

styles over the past five years. But

she remained silent, apparently

too whipped to answer.

British Home Secretary Charles Clarke is under

heavy fire for failing to deport over 1,000 foreign

nationals who have been released from prison

after serving time for, among other things,

murder and rape. He is also being criticized for

looking crapulent, growing a scrofulous beard,

and wiggling his ears.

A restaurant in Italy was recently given a stiff fine

for being cruel to lobsters. It seems this particular

eatery was displaying live lobsters on ice and was

subsequently penalized under a law forbidding the

freezing of pets. In order to defray the cost of the

fine, the restaurant steamed the lobsters, which

isn't against Italian law, and served them up with

lots of drawn butter to its hungry customers.

UN Ambassador John Bolton got really PO'ed

when someone to his left told him he looked like

a bull walrus during mating season.

"House Speaker Hastert gets out of a Hydrogen Alternative

Fueled automobile, as he prepares to board his SUV,

which uses gasoline, after holding a news conference at a local

gas station in Washington on Thursday to discuss the

recent rise in gas prices. Hastert and other members of Congress

drove off in the Hydrogen-Fueled cars only to switch to their

official cars to drive the few blocks back to the U.S. Capitol."

What the AP neglects to point out is hydrogen-fueled cars

simply cannot generate enough power to transport someone

as bulky as Dennis Hastert.

Speaking at an inter-faith meeting at Georgetown University

last Wednesday, Karen Hughes, Undersecretary of State for

Diplomacy, rebuked Midge Decter for having said of her a

few weeks ago, "She is a disaster." "If I had a husband like

Norman Podhoretz and a son like John Podhoretz," Hughes

concluded, "I'd probably be off my rocker, too."

All that Ben Bernanke has to do to show the inflation rate

is purse his lips and blow.

Iraqi archaeologists have unearthed a

cache of mortar rounds and artillery

shells dating from the time of Sargon

the Great. He ruled from 2334-2279 BC,

and is considered the founder of the

Mesopotamian military tradition.

There ARE ways to beat the high price of gas.

In the first QUARTER of 2006, the revenue

of ExxonMobil was $89 billion. To put this

into perspective, the ANNUAL Gross Domestic

Product of the United Arab Emirates, a major

oil-producing country, is only $75 billion.

When Hurricane Katrina struck Biloxi,

Mississippi, one of the casualties was Beauvoir,

the retirement home of Jefferson Davis, the

only President of the Confederacy.

Asked if this was a sign from God,

Pat Robertson, whose roots run deep in

Southern soil, would only say: "God moves

in mysterious ways, his wonders to perform."

Behold a replica of what is probably the oldest golf ball

in the world. Dating from the 13th century CE, it was first

driven into the rough not by a Scotsman, but by a Chinaman.

That's right, those who hate golf have been despising the

wrong country all these years.

When Condoleeza Rice tells you to look

into her right eye, don't do it. The last

person who did was turned into a stoned

Medusa.

At first glance, this looks like a body with a dress

painted on. But upon closer inspection, it's actually

a dress with a body painted on.

President Bush extends the right hand of fellowship to

Major Alan 'Dutch' Schaeffer, his new Secretary of

Predators and Prey.

Cuco Suarez is a Spanish performance artist.

Here he is doing a satire on war and warlords,

entitled 'News Is Written in Blood'. For the most

part, critics have reached a consensus about

his subtle symbolism, but there's still strong

disagreement over the meaning of the hockey stick.