Clenched fists are only good for two things: symbolizing

the power of the powerless and punching somebody even

more powerless in the face.

Republican Senator Larry Craig has been fitted with a third

hand to help when he needs to undo his zipper, write down

his phone number, and reach under the bathroom stall

divider, all at the same time.

"Look, Ma, NO hands!"

You can't see blood dripping from Tony Blair's hands because

he always washes them after someone dies in the Iraq War.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claims he is an adherent of

the Philosophy of the Open Hand. Don't believe it.

He's left-handed.