"Just what part of 'Might Makes Right'

don't you understand, Short Stuff?"

Generally speaking, zebras tend to think in terms of black

and white. But ever so often, there comes along a zebra who

is capable of thinking in terms of the whiter shades of pale

and the paler shades of white. Such a zebra wonders about

Heidegger's concept of 'Geworfenheit', which leads it to ask:

"Why was I thrown into the world as just another zebra

instead of a magnificent thoroughbred and a Triple

Crown winner like Secretariat?"

"Actually, Cristian, what we're doing to each other right

now is a perfect illustration of Schopenhauer's thesis,

namely, if the universe wasn't designed to maximize human

suffering, then it was very badly designed. Anyway,

are you ready for a right hook to the chin?"

Workman Cleans Ben's Clock, Inadvertently

Reveals the Mystery of Time

Optimists say Jean Claude Gaudin's head is half full.

Pessimists say it is half empty.

What would you say?

"Oh yes, arguments have been advanced for millennia attempting

to persuade us to get up off our butts and do something useful.

But the counterarguments in favor of sitting around all day and

shooting the shit have always been much more persuasive."

Thinking-Man's Chocolates

Chocolate Buddha

Chocolate Jesus

Chocolate Voltaire

This Afghani child can't decide whether she should be an

optimist or a pessimist. Can you help her decide?

Carpe Mañana

Conation is defined as 'the aspect of mental processes or

behavior directed toward action or change and including

impulse, desire, volition, and striving'. In other words, it

is the clinical term used to explain why men of science

feel the urge right now to reach out and touch these tits.

"Hey, I'm not a pin, so why is an angel dancing on my head?"

"Maybe you shouldn't have told the Jain to shove

ahimsa up his ass, Brother Sakhorn."

There are many reasons to laugh, including

laughing at reasons.

"What do you think?" the Cedar Waxwing was asked.

"I do not have to think," the bird replied. "I have plenty of berries."

"As I was saying, Frederik, size is relative, a function

of perspective. You, for instance, look pretty tall

until the corn is as high as an elephant's eye. Then

you look pretty short. I, for instance, look pretty

short until Rick Moranis shrinks the kids. Then

I look like Christ the Redeemer, one of the

Seven Wonders of the World."

Once again, she had slipped into the 'nunc stans',

the Eternal Now. But this time there was no way out.

They had been debating the pros and cons of the

Ontological Argument for the existence of God

when someone yelled, "Horseshit!" That's when

Stormy got riled.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer grew pensive as he

gazed at his shadow and reflected on Pascal's Pensées.

"So what if Stoicism makes you level-headed and unbiased!

I still think Existentialism makes me more authentic!"

On some days, it's harder to deny Schopenhauer's contention

that if the universe wasn't created to maximize human suffering,

it was certainly very poorly designed.