Piece of Shit Lying on the Floor

Lying Piece of Shit on the Floor

Even Harry Reid's dog is standing in line for

its turn to sit in the lap of the telecoms.

"Yeah, Josh, the fortune-telling function of my Blackberry

says the Senate Judiciary Committee will vote in December to

hold us in contempt for refusing to testify about the U. S.

attorney purge scandal. Well, it's only August here in

Minneapolis, right after the I-35 bridge collapse. So I

suppose we'll cross that bridge when we come to it,

assuming, of course, it doesn't collapse, too.

"Gold tie, diamond-studded cufflinks, manicured nails,

expertly-trimmed beard. You may be a hard-nosed

sonofabitch when it comes to torturing people, Mr. Rizzo,

but you're the most nattily dressed nominee to come before

this Committee in a month of Sundays."

Republican Senator Larry Craig has been fitted with a third

hand to help when he needs to undo his zipper, write down

his phone number, and reach under the bathroom stall

divider, all at the same time.

Trent Lott Resigns Senate Seat, Signs On

as Lobbyist for the Denture Industry

Senator Russ Feingold Caught Between a Shteyn and a Shver Plats

The Senate Judiciary Committee has decided to waterboard

Michael Mukasey, the nominee for Attorney-General. The

rationale for this procedure is simple: if Mr. Mukasey doesn't

scream, beg for mercy, or admit he hates puppies, the Committee

will agree waterboarding is not torture and vote unanimously

to pass his nomination to the Senate floor.

Can you believe the same state which produces

Wild Turkey Bourbon also produces jake leg

senators like Mitch McConnell?

Senate Votes to Change Name of Group

from MoveOn.org to ShoveOff.org

Diane Feinstein, DINOsaur

"You'll be happy to know, General Petraeus, that the Senate

will vote 72-25 to condemn this outrageous ad from MoveOn

which appeared in The New York Times. Soon after, that

august body will vote unanimously to put you on the fasttrack

to sainthood."

"Well I'll be!" the President mused. "When the Stars Fell onAlabama, one of them must have landed on SenatorSessions' head."

"OK, my fellow Republicans, it's time to decline 'Ho'.

I Da Ho.

You Da Ho.

We Da Ho.

Any questions?"

Senator Larry Craig (R-Idaho) Using Lewd Hand Gesture to Solicit

Homosexual Conduct Which Is a Clear Violation of Senate Protocol

"What exactly do you do at the White House, Mr. Jennings?"

"If I told you, Senatory Leahy, I would have to kill you."

Utah is a nice place to visit. But if you stay there too long, you

run the risk of turning into a moral husk, like Orrin Hatch.

John Barrasso (R-WY) Tells First Lie As U. S. Senator:

"I Am a Natural Brunette"

Factoid of the Hour #2

Liddy Dole is the 95th most powerful Senator

in the United States today.

According to a senior White House official, a

plot by four friends of Osama bin Laden--three

Republicans and one Democrat--to plant an

Improvised Resolution Device in the United States

Senate has been foiled.