"And then I took those wascal CIA torture tapes

and cwushed them in my bare hands!"

Character Actor Kurtwood Smith Identified As Stunt Double for

CIA Director Michael Hayden

Elmer Fudd Says Wascal Wabbit Plotting Fwesh Attacks on

the United States Aimed at Sowing Death and Destwuction

“When I finally got my hands on the Fourth Amendment, Senator Durbin, I tore it limb from limb!”

Why is it so easy to imagine John Negroponte and

Michael Hayden saying, "Jawohl, mein Fuhrer!"?

Whether viewed from the front or from the rear, General

Michael Hayden has about as much personality as a mess

of boiled turnips. This should make him a shoo-in to be

the next Director of the Central Intelligence Agency.

Whether viewed from the front or from the rear, General

Michael Hayden has about as much personality as a mess

of boiled turnips. This should make him a shoo-in to be

the next Director of the Central Intelligence Agency.

General Michael Hayden never sleeps.

He's always listening, and he recommends

that you stop badmouthing your boss.

General Michael Hayden never sleeps.

He's always listening, and he recommends

that you stop badmouthing your boss.

Movie and TV star Kurtwood Smith strongly denies

he was hired to play the role of General Michael Hayden,

nominated to be Director of the CIA. Elmer Fudd, also

rumored to be playing the role of the General, is on location

for the next Bugs Bunny cartoon and was unavailable

for comment.

Movie and TV star Kurtwood Smith strongly denies

he was hired to play the role of General Michael Hayden,

nominated to be Director of the CIA. Elmer Fudd, also

rumored to be playing the role of the General, is on location

for the next Bugs Bunny cartoon and was unavailable

for comment.

Pointing to his right eye, General Hayden said, "This is my

Evil Eye, the one I use to keep all Evildoers under close

surveillance." That's all Senator Santorum needed to hear

before announcing his support for the General as the next

Director of the CIA.

Pointing to his right eye, General Hayden said, "This is my

Evil Eye, the one I use to keep all Evildoers under close

surveillance." That's all Senator Santorum needed to hear

before announcing his support for the General as the next

Director of the CIA.

"Senate to Grill Hayden on NSA," the

USA Today headline reads in Sunday's paper.

It remains to be seen whether the Senate will

prefer him Rare, Medium Rare, Medium,

Medium Well, or Well Done.

"Senate to Grill Hayden on NSA," the

USA Today headline reads in Sunday's paper.

It remains to be seen whether the Senate will

prefer him Rare, Medium Rare, Medium,

Medium Well, or Well Done.

General Hayden shows Senator McConnell his

technique for getting confirmed as CIA Director.

General Hayden was greatly amused by Senator

Lott's 'praying mantis' routine.

As part of his preparation for the confirmation hearings,

General Michael Hayden will have cosmetic surgery on his

chin. A senior White House official, speaking on the condition

of anonymity, says the General's current chin makes him look

too much like a ventriloquist's dummy.

When General Hayden showed up for the Correspondents'

Dinner, the guests at first thought he was the bell captain.