"Remember, men, your guns, which you are fondling right now,

are only effective at short range. For longer range targets, you

must use a rifle, like those you see behind me."

Drudge Report Funnies #12

"WOMAN SETS FIRE TO EX-HUSBAND'S PENIS..."

New Southern African Shark Species to Be Named

Dickheadus Cheneyensis; Resemblance to Well-Known

Republican Prick Said to Be 'Uncanny'

Granted, the spray-on condom may well mean a better fit.

But it remains to be seen how many men will be able to keep

it up while a guy in a lab coat armed with a Wagner Power

Painter steps into the bedroom and says, "Hey, it's time to

give that woodie another coat of shellac!"

Naked mole rat or rat prick?

You make the call.

Joel Kaplan has just been named

domestic policy advisor to President

Bush, taking over for Karl Rove.

In November 2000, he proudly participated

in the 'Brooks Brothers Riot' to stop the

Florida recount.

He's a real prick, but he shouldn't be confused

with the inventor of the Joel Kaplan Penis Pump.

"Listen up, you pencil neck geek! One more wisecrack about

John Thomas, my closest relative and best friend, and I will

kick your honky ass from here to Georgia and back!"

"Furthermore, Senator,

when fully erect, the philoprogenitator of B. Rex

is only about this long."