If you like the outdoors, drinking, and fondling firearms--but

not hunting--maybe you should consider becoming a biathlete.

"Yo, Nike! Your product endorsers

are insignoramuses!"

"Isn't it amazing, Carlos, how we get away with

blatant public displays of homoeroticism in the

name of sports?"

Sarko the Giant's Wedding Ring to Be Used

as France's First Bitchslapping Arena

Stefan Holm Wins World Spine-Snapping Championship;

Gold Medal to Be Awarded Posthumously

It takes effort, but it is possible to see the

world the way President Bush does.

Flag Desecration #5

"Zeke, I told you to lay off the fabric softener.

Now look at you!"

Too late, the BASE jumper realized that 'Camelback'

and 'parachute' were not synonymous.

Each year, triathletes migrate thousands of miles before returning

to their natal stream to spawn.

Winner of USA Outdoor Turkey Toss Barbecues Trophy,

Eats It

Hurdling is a sport where having the biggest balls is only a handicap.

While it's true Alexandra Gurin has lost her balance and

is about to crash and burn, you have to admit she's doing

it with élan.

It was obvious he had 'Champion' written all over him.

Lager Lout Arguing That Sport Builds Character

Having overcome many hurdles, Gregory and Marcel

embraced each other as a sign of their undying love.

"Hey, I found the contact lens I lost here last year!"

First it was a Jug of Janet Jackson at the Superbowl.

Now it's Prince Everhard of the Netherlands.

If this is the best a man can get, why go to all the trouble of

becoming rich and famous, like Roger Federer, Thierry Henry,

or Tiger Woods? Hell, you can buy a can of Gillette Foamy for $1.49.