Why doesn't million-year-old ice show its age?

Something told the old man that Officer

Friendly had retired.

"Do you think if I started using Grecian Formula,

I wouldn't look 178 years old?"

Pushing 50, Louise Ciccone Ritchie understands

more clearly what it means to be a 'material girl'.

Realizing that most Americans were tired of his Arthur Branch face,

Fred Thompson underwent an extreme makeover and ran for the

Republican presidential nomination as

Spanky McFarland.

"Wow!," he thought, "if I feel this meaningless at 37,

I can't imagine what I'll feel like when I hit 40."

"Grecian Formula, why hast thou forsaken me?"

"What a drag it is getting old!"