"I'm gonna wash that Mitt right outta my hair!"

Every time Jose Sand exposed his axillary hairs,

the crowd went wild.

"When the barber said, 'Shave and a haircut, six bits', I

thought I had died and gone to Arkansas."

"Do you think if I started using Grecian Formula,

I wouldn't look 178 years old?"

"Noooooo, I'm not doing a shampoo commercial!

I'm hairing over! Helpppp!"

"OK, Mitt, here's my final offer: you can have the

nomination if I can have your hair."

Paris Gibson is remembered as the only man

in history to die from terminal dandruff.

"Grecian Formula, why hast thou forsaken me?"

According to his online bio, Michael O'Hanlon is

an expert on 'arms treaties, Asian security issues,

homeland security, Iraq policy, military technology,

missile defense, North Korea policy, peacekeeping

operations, Taiwan policy, military analysis, U.S.

defense strategy and budget.' Please note that he doesn't

claim to be an expert on neckwear and coiffures.

Flag Desecration #2

"Some have suggested I shave my head. Were I to do that,

hundreds of journalists would be thrown out of work overnight."

Woman Plays Host to World's Biggest Louse

"I know for a fact Zandra had her hair done less than a

week ago, and you can already see roots!"

"Mommy, can I use Miracle-Gro when I get bigger?"

"To tell the truth, Jerry, I couldn't spend $400 on a haircut,

even if I wanted to."

Rapunzel Lets Down Her Hair

Before he was indicted for war crimes, Radovan

Karadzic had been the odds-on favorite to become

the next president of Hair Club for Men.

Phil Spector was convicted today for

getting an outrageous blowjob.

Neal Boortz thinks Cynthia McKinney's

new hairdo is 'hideous'. Asked what he

thinks about his own, Boortz admits

he doesn't have enough hair to do.