"Someday, kid, you'll grow up to be a

Neanderthal, just like me!"

"Actually, Cristian, what we're doing to each other right

now is a perfect illustration of Schopenhauer's thesis,

namely, if the universe wasn't designed to maximize human

suffering, then it was very badly designed. Anyway,

are you ready for a right hook to the chin?"

Doctors Hopeful Conjoined Twins Can Be Separated

Successfully; Surgery to Be Performed Before a Live

Audience at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas

Raushee Warren's famous 'sleeper punch' worked every time.

Be careful what you wish for. All Kermit Cintron wanted

for Christmas, for example, was his two front teeth.

Observers say John 'Cauliflower' McCain

is on the verge of hanging up his gloves.

Boxer Blows Top, Loses Fight

Before sticking your tongue out at your opponent,

you might consider this.

If the fight had been decided on the basis of ripped abs,

Oscar De La Hoya would have won. Unfortunately, it

was decided on the basis of who landed the most and

best punches.

Although the referee didn't intend to, he

had found Takefumi Sakata's weak spot.

"Let that be a lesson to ya, bitch! Don't let me ever again

hear you insinuate that I buy my drawers at Dollar Tree!"

How Bipartisanship Works in Boxing

In Soccer

In Politics

Declaring "I'm not going to let

them get away with it," Senator

Lieberman invited his critics

into the ring for 15 rounds of

heavyweight action to be televised

on Nick at Nite.