Watching political apparatchiks at work--regardless of

party--is like shopping for Pringles: you know the crisps

are all canned and are all the same size. The only difference

is a bit of artificial flavoring.

Why is it so many people find the middle so attractive?

And where exactly is the 'middle'? Alas, politics has

been beguiled by specious spatial metaphors.

"I'll stop calling you 'right-winger' when you stop

calling me 'left-winger'!"

Richard Curtis, a Washington state Republican representative,

has resigned after it was revealed he wore women's lingerie at a

Spokane Valley porn shop and offered to pay a 26-year-old male

gay porn model he met there $1,000 for unprotected sex.

In honor of the occasion of his resignation, a new law, Curtis'

Law, has been formulated, which states, "The more vociferously

a Republican lawmaker condemns homosexuality, the more likely

he has to pay somebody to pave the streets of Sodom."

To take seriously the controversy over whether

Hillary Clinton has played the 'gender card' requires

that you first view the process of choosing the next

President of the United States as nothing more than a

game of cards. Come to think of it, maybe it is.

Sukru Elekdag didn't know how much longer he could

keep balancing Turkey's political leadership on his head.

As a result of his party's defeat in the recent parliamentary

elections, Polish Prime Minister Jaroslaw Kaczynski will beresigning on November 5. Observers say his fall from power

has really deflated his ego.

What Oppo Researchers Like to Do on Their Day Off

Heads of State Relaxing at the Beach

Slackers Become Politically Active,

Form

Politics. Noun, Plural. (from poly='many' and

ticks='bloodsucking parasites'). SEE Dogs.

"I know what you mean, George. We politicians are

about as popular as a carbuncle on Roger Ailes' ass."

"Yes, I suppose we could elevate the level of

political discourse if we really wanted to. But,

if I may speak frankly, it wouldn't be nearly as

much fun as hanging out and beating our

enemies to a bloody pulp."

"OK, we agree: I'm a dog and you're a pig. That being said,

could we now start elevating the level of our political

discourse just a bit?"

"A lot of us worked hard to see if we couldn't find a common

ground on the Flabbergasterisk issue. It didn't work."

Dr. Harald Ringstorff, a German politician of the Social

Democratic party, is so brainy his head is surrounded

by a swarm of thought balloons wherever he goes.

If you bump into an Argentine Arab sporting an Ayatollah

Khomeini tattoo, it's a fairly safe bet he won't laugh at

your Muhammad jokes.

Scooter Libby's blood is in the water,

and the sharks are circling.

This Belarusian is thinking the voter's eternal question:

"Why is it always a choice between the evil of two lessers?"

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In Politics