Undersecretary of State Nicholas Burns Steps Down,

Says He Couldn't Stand Condoleezza Rice a Minute Longer

Erik the Viking Explaining Why Roger Ebert Was Unjustified

in Giving Blackwater: the Movie a 'Zero Stars' Review

Named to succeed Karen Hughes as Undersecretary of State

for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs, James K. Glassman

has already started working on his next book, 36,000 A.D.:

Time to Invest in the Middle East Peace Process.

Cookie Finally Crumbles;

Howard Krongard Resigns as the State

Department's Inspector General

Howard 'Cookie' Krongard Prepares for His Transcribed

Interview with the House Oversight Committee

Grasping at straws at an unprecedented rate, the

State Department has just received an emergency

resupply from China.

"One would have to apply the facts to the law, the law

to the facts, to determine whether any technique,

whatever it happened to be, would cause severe physical

pain or suffering. I'm John Bellinger, State Department

counsel, and I would be browner if I didn't take a stool

softener every day."

"Karen Hughes has carried out her work as the President's

Sycophant-in-Chief in spectacular fashion."

Although polls show no improvement in the world's view of the

U.S. since she took over, Karen Hughes did manage to get the

budget for public diplomacy doubled to over $900 million annually.

When she heard she had resigned as Undersecretary of

State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs, Karen

Hughes smiled for the first time in two years.

Blackwater Contractors Undergoing

'Cultural Awareness Training'

Dipstick

Dipshit

Howard Krongard knows that in Iraq the dress code

is Armored Casual and you always BYOB (Bring Your

Own Bomb).

When Howard Krongard, the State Department's

Inspector General, tells his staff to keep their

mouths shut about Blackwater, he is always

accompanied by a couple of enforcers.

Although he looks and barks like a bulldog,

Richard Armitage, former Deputy Secretary of State

under Colin Powell, is really just a pussycat. Some

may remember him as one of the leakers of Valerie

Plame's identity. Others may recall him in his role

as The Vegetable in Russ Meyer's seminal Faster,

Pussycat! Kill! Kill!.