"If I hear someone say 'compassionate conservatism' one

more time, I'm going to finally lose my composure!"

"That's the first time anyone has called me a

'social conservative'. Those who know me well say

I'm unmistakably an 'anti-social conservative'."

Karl Rove said yesterday liberal blogs, like DailyKos, use

more bad words than conservative blogs, like Townhall.

That's because liberal blogs quote Karl Rove saying things--

such as “We will fuck him. Do you hear me? We will fuck him.

We will ruin him. Like no one has ever fucked him!”--that

conservative blogs don't.

"Yes, brethren, General Petraeus made it to #2 on

the Daily Telegraph's list of the Most Influential

Conservatives in America because he understands

the power of prayer."

According to a recent survey, "91 percent of the total weekday

talk radio programming was conservative, and only 9 percent

was progressive." Inference: conservatives listen to AM/FM

radio and progressives don't.

“God has spoken to me,” Tom DeLay says. “I listen to God, and what

I’ve heard is that I’m supposed to devote myself to rebuilding the

conservative base of the Republican Party before every living thing

is destroyed by the Great Democratic Flood.”

Tearfully, this week's Time laments, "Conservatives are gloomy.

The Republican candidates are struggling. Can the party reclaim

Reagan's legacy?" For crying out loud, today's conservatives and

the Republican Party ARE Reagan's legacy!

"The reaction to my new book, The Enemy at Home," says

Dinesh D'Souza, "has felt, well, a little hysterical. Not that I

have a womb, you understand, but I'm quite empathetic

because I've always wanted to go back."

Kate O'Beirne, Mona Charen, Kathryn Lopez,

Michelle Malkin, Laura Ingraham:

The Good Housekeeping Gang