Lord Black of Crossharbour Sentenced to 6 1/2 Years

of Writing on the Walls of His Prison Cell,

"I Wipe My Ass with the Daily Telegraph!"

Get the New York Times delivered to your doorstep for only

$6.40 a week. But there are two good reasons to leave it there:

first, it's the bad acid you've been warned about, and second,

it will make your neighbors think you are so rich you can afford

to take really long trips.

When Senator McCain heard that he and Hillary had

been endorsed by the Des Moines Register, he sensed

the days when the dead-tree media made a difference

in the outcome of presidential elections were numbered.

"Yes, brethren, General Petraeus made it to #2 on

the Daily Telegraph's list of the Most Influential

Conservatives in America because he understands

the power of prayer."

When you make up your list of reasons for subscribing to

a newspaper, don't forget this one.

Did you notice that London's Daily Telegraph ranked

Evan Bayh #10 in its list of the Top 100 Influential

Liberals in the United States, way above Fearguth,

who didn't even make the top 10,000?

Billionaire Richard Mellon Scaife Spends Night in Doug's

Motel with Tammy Sue Vasco; R. Emmett Tyrrell Quickly

Poo-Poos Notion of Link to Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy

"News, news! I gotta have more news!"

New York Daily News Fills Vacuum Created

by Demise of Weekly World News

"Hey, what's my picture doing on the front page of

USA Yesterday?"

Meet Michael Skube. He has written an Op-Ed for a major newspaper

criticizing Talking Points Memo, a blog he's never laid eyes on. He

is a professor of journalism. He teaches his students the same skills.

Stu Bykofsky, columnist for the Philadelphia Daily

News, has reportedly built a time machine which

will take him back to September 11, 2001, every

time he feels terrorists need to save America again.

Pink Slip for the Daily Quirk

"Green grow the Lileks, all sparkling with dewI'm lonely, my darling, since parting with you;But by our next meeting I'll hope to prove trueAnd change the green Lileks to the Red, White and Blue."