"Which part of my happy face do you not like?"

"We have views on our Op-Ed page," writes Andrew Rosenthal,

"that are as hawkish or more so than Bill Kristol's. Take the

views of Swainson Hawke, for instance."

During this holiday season, remember:

drinking and perching do not mix.

Warhawk Loses Perch at Time, Is Forced to

Find Another Way to Feather Nest

The Western Grebe believes its narcissism is the result

of environmental factors, not genetics.

Rare Iraqi Cardinal Placed on Endangered Species List

Archbishop Daniel DiNardo Appointed First

Texas Cardinal, Applauded by Pope Benedict

for His Way with Supplicants

"Fuck me if I'm wrong, but haven't we met before?"

"Any sign of the stork yet, dear?"

"You're right, Comrade Kwak. These Nikon 10x42

Premier SE Binoculars make watching South Korean

birds much more exciting."

"You can't fool me, Ma. This isn't Honey Bunches of Oats!"

A pink flamingo duel is not for the squeamish.

Celibate Flower Refuses to Have Anything to Do with

the Birds and the Bees

"What do you think?" the Cedar Waxwing was asked.

"I do not have to think," the bird replied. "I have plenty of berries."

Birdman of Afghanistan

"Hold on, buster! I agreed to a bath, not a baptism!"

National Bird Asks for Leave of Absence Until 2009, Says

Symbolizing Country Led by Turkeys Bad for Self-Esteem

Snowy Owl Mighty Pissed by Global Warming

Northern Cardinal Takes Wrong Turn,

Ends Up in Tyler, Texas

"Buzz off, voyeurs! This is our bedroom, you know!"