Former Infant Displays Tattoo Awarded for Being a

Gerber's Baby That Didn't Spit Up Strained Spinach

Fearguth's Rules of Order #5

Wait until a monkey finishes its popsicle before

asking for an autograph.

Fire in Eisenhower Executive Office Building

Caused by Vice President Making S'Mores,

Not Burning Documents

Drudgery Report #3

Being Meat Loaf's dietitian would be drudgery.

Uwe could see that the hippo's eyes were definitely

not bigger than its stomach.

"Like some fries with that ketchup, mate?"

Fearguth's Rules of Order #3

Always mute your iPod when approaching

a monkey on a rope eating watermelon.

Dinner for Someone on a Starvation Diet

"I only feed my dog athletes on steroids."

"Have you never heard of 'Flour Power', juicy boy?"

Fearguth's Rules of Order #1

Don't do business with a monkey

that eats pasta.

Dennis Hastert has made his departure from Congress official

by resigning his seat as of 10:59 p. m., just in time for his

11:00 o'clock feeding.

"They say they caught this 20-ft. shark with a bottle

of shrimp flakes, a piece of string, and a safety pin.

But I happen to know for a fact that this species

cannot stand shrimp flakes."

Carnivore Humor

Expect the unexpected if you lunch with the Cheneys.

"Omigod! You were supposed to bring the

parachute, and I was supposed to bring the

picnic basket!"

"Neighbor, when was the last time you had a big steaming

bowl of Neocon Brand Chili? Well, that's too long!"

"I'll be damned! These glasses do make

everything look like an Eskimo Pie."

Only The Big Cheese make it to the mountaintop.

"Barbacoa! Chili Con Carne! Tacos Al Carbon!

Carne Asada! Fajitas! Do you understand what

I'm saying, El Toro?"