The Potrzebie Prize #4

ABA Journal Lauded for Naming Former U.S. Attorney

General Alberto Gonzales 2007’s Lawyer of the Year

"Beg pardon, Helen. We don't torture people.

We just torture truth."

Burma's Military Junta Cites Legal Opinions of

Alberto Gonzales to Justify Crackdown on Protesters

You know the fellow on the left. The fellow on the right

was defeated by Hulk Hogan in Wrestlemania III.

It's official: Alberto Gonzales has changed his name

to Alberto Gonezales.

Observers say it won't be too hard to fill Alberto Gonzales' shoes.

No Wine, No Bread, Just Sour Grapes Served

at Condemned Man's Last Supper; Leftovers

to Be Auctioned on eBay

Surgery to Separate Conjoined Twins Successful

Alberto Gonzales Resigns From Something, Doesn't Recall What

Alberto Gonzales' Recollection Difficulties Traced

to Faulty Memory Module

"Al, bring me the head of that Austin reporter who said

I dress like Walker, Texas Ranger, when I'm down at

the ranch."

The Potrzebie Prize #1

Alberto Gonzales Recognized for His Many

Contributions to the Rule of Law in Iraq

"Today, I am naming Attorney General Gonzales and Vice

President Cheney as co-chairs of our National Miles of

Smiles Campaign."

Only the giant pandas get more attention than Karl Rove

and Alberto Gonzales in the National Zoo.

In a recent Salon article, Sidney Blumenthal refers to these guys

as 'The Three Stooges'. Never before in the history of comedy have

the names of Larry, Curly, and Moe been so defamed.

Q: How do you know when Alberto Gonzales is lying?

A: His right hand is raised.

Computer Map of Alberto Gonzales' Brain Showing

Location of Perjury Tumor

Thanks to the latest in brain scanning technology,

in the middle distance you can see all that remains

of Attorney General Gonzales' memory.

"Just for the hell of it, Mr. Gonzales, would you hazard

a guess as to what percentage of your brain is used for

what you do recall as opposed to what you don't?"

"Did you read the reports about FBI abuses of civil liberties?"

"I don't recall."

"Did you lie to Congress when you testified, 'There has not been one

verified case of civil liberties abuse by the FBI'?"

"I don't recall."

"When was the last time you remembered anything at all?"

"I don't recall."