In an attempt to divert attention from Dick Cheney,

the Vice President has ordered that he be referred

to henceforth as 'Senior Administration Official'.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have beautiful eyes?"

Alicia Bonifacio used to wear iceberg lettuce.

But it melted.

University of Tennessee law professor Glenn Reynolds has

proposed that Iranian radical mullahs and atomic scientists

be forced to count all the occurrences of 'heh' and 'indeed'

in the Instapundit archives. He believes this will be sufficient

to persuade Iran to "reconsider their not-so-covert war

against us in Iraq."

"Gee, this must be the one bombing a day Laura Bush says

discourages everyone who sees it on television. Lucky forme, my parents only let me watch Cartoon Network."

"Hey, I found the contact lens I lost here last year!"

What does Alejandra Guzman do for a living?

Hint: it has something to do with her lips (shown here)

and her lungs (shown here), but not her legs (also shown here).

President of Iran Reads Instructions for Docking

with the Blimp of Bahrain

The New Bicameral Bra from Capitol Hill Fashions

These shoes weren't made for walking.

When he awoke, the Vice President discovered he was

the condemned man in Stephen King's new Death Row

movie, The Red Mile.

"I know that my blessing is on the way

I can't see it right now but I stand by faith

I fought many, many battles in His name

I held up the bloodstained banner and proclaim that

Jesus is the Truth and the Light

Believe it when I say He will make it alright."

Car Salesman-in-Chief Claims 40 MPG Highway

for Pickup Powered by Black-Bean Burritos

Pharmacist-in-Chief Touts Everclear As

Revolutionary Medicinal and Energy Hybrid

Recently-Discovered Letter in Library of Congress Shows

President Lincoln Just Made Up Quote about Frank Gaffney

U. S. to Trade Dick Cheney to Australia for Two Bush

Kangaroos and a Case of Foster's Lager

Britney Shears

From Russia with Love

"Allah be praised and all that, gentlemen, but this

bowing and scraping is blowing my knees to hell."

Ever since 1951, when Klaatu and Gort invaded the planet,

the Academy Awards have caused the Earth to stand still.

Take one look at this picture and you'll know somebody

got it all wrong about sloth being a deadly sin.

And then they crucified Iraq upon a cross of black gold.

Monday evening, February 12, Fearguth became very ill.

A battery of medical tests has produced a diagnosis of

acute pancreatitis. The prognosis is good, and he hopes

to return to a regular blogging schedule very soon.

Vlad the Impaler Shortly After Attacking

His Soulmate, George the Decider

"And I’ve got to say, even if Libby's convicted — and he may

not be — but even if he is convicted, would any judge send to

prison a guy named Scooter? He wouldn’t last 48 hours. I

know, because I'm a former Harvard University Institute of

Politics fellow named Roger and I wouldn't last 24."

"I mean, there’s no underlying crime here that anyone has

been indicted for. This is just a show trial, just like in the

days of Stalin. By the way, did you know that the Russian

dictator's real name was Joseph Vissarionovich Djugashvili,

and that my real name is Roger Sumbitch Crockashit?"

All the rocket-propelled grenades manufactured in Iran are

labeled in English. This is done to deceive the U. S. military

into thinking they were made in a Northern Marianas Island

sweatshop and licensed by Tommy Hilfiger for resale under

a no-bid contract awarded to Halliburton by the

Bush Administration.

"How was I to know that Microsoft PowerPoint would

turn out to be the Pentagon's most effective weapon

in the war against truth, justice, and the American Way?"

U. S. Military Claims Iran Is Supplying Mortar Rounds

to Iraqi Militants with Expired 'Enjoy By' Dates

Military Analyst Showing How He Discovered That the

'Highest Levels' of the Iranian Government Are Responsible

for Attacks Against U.S. Troops in Iraq

Khaled and Mahmoud were awed at the sight of the oldest,

biggest, and most sacred wingnut in the world.

Christina Aguilera Doing Her Impression of Madonna Doing

Her Impression of Marilyn Monroe Doing Her Impression of

Jean Harlow

World's Worst Jobs #27

Chinese Waste Recycler

Dirty Old Man Reveals Dirty Little Secret

"Once again, we have a prosecutor who can’t get an indictment

for the real crime — leaking the identity of a CIA agent. So he

goes instead for the crime of, well, people didn’t tell him the

complete truth when they talked to him." Thus is suggested

a new definition of a 'lie': it's an 'incomplete truth'.

When you look at this closeup of Michelle Malkin's teeth, you

understand why the blogosphere isn't quite ready for hi-def.

Commenting on the Libby trial, Roger Simon says,

"I also have to say this is a nutty trial that

nobody except the people involved in it and the

people covering it care about. And, no, I'm not

the Simon who met a pieman going to the fair."

President Bush has sworn on a copy of the Budget of the

U. S. Government for Fiscal Year 2008 that the federal

budget will be balanced by 2012, four years after he leaves

office and the year Ralph Nader, having exacerbated

the contradictions sufficiently, is tapped to be the CEO

of General Motors.

The Pope always gets pumped when the announcer says,

"Heeeeeres Benny!"

David Beckham Demonstrating How He Keeps Posh Spice Happy

What Was Left of Big Bird After President Bush

Slashed the Budget for Public Television

"And not only is he wrong about the war in Iraq, Prime Minister Howard,

but did you know Obama bin Laden isn't either white enough or

black enough to be elected President of the United States?"

"Look right here, Mr. President. This staff directory proves

I used to work for you. See, it says: A-N-D-R-E-W C-A-R-D.

That's me!"

Can you find what doesn't belong in this picture?

"So, you're Michael Gordon, the New York Times reporter who

put all the Bush Administration malarkey about Iraqi WMDs on

the front page of the newspaper of record. And now you're doing

the same thing regarding Iran. Have you no shame, sir, have you

no shame?"

Michael Gordon Named the Judith Miller Reciter of Bush

Administration Warmongering for the New York Times

What would you do if you were an albino alligator and were trying

your best to live down the bad rap you got from a cruddy movie

released in 1996, eleven years before you were born?

Q: What would Walt Whitman have said if he had seen

the American Enterprise Institute logo?

A: "I sing the body corporate."

When you see the 'Ho' watermark in the lower right-hand

corner of the picture, you know you're viewing a genuine

image of Michelle Malkin, not a counterfeit.

"Whose turn is it to run down to AutoZone? This

baby is going to need a new alternator."