In San Diego, the President sang 'When the Levee Breaks'.

In New Orleans, the levee broke.

As the Lord saith,

"In those days, I will pour out my Spirit;

and they shall prophesy."

Pop Quiz:

Which is cowboy, which is Indian?

Audrey II Ends Hunger Strike,

Sings 'Feed Me'

If Horowitz had recognized the Sign of the Cuckold

flashed by his female companions,

he wouldn't be smiling.

Photographic Evidence of Why Senator Santorum

Was Admonished for Bringing a Human Hand Grenade

Too Near the Nation's Capitol

Asked if 'proactive news' used to be called 'propaganda',

the Secretary of Defense used pantomime

to convey his answer.

"I had hoped the face transplant would boost

my approval rating. But, quite frankly,

it appears I'm in my last throes."

Representative Pombo Proudly Displays

His Abramoff-Hurwitz-Wikipedia Trophy

"Just between you and me, Senator,

Bush is a whistle ass."

Strolling through the Hall of Egomania,

Vice-President 18% and President 34%

thought: "Bode Miller rocks!"

Karl Rove has confirmed what Anna Nicole Smith

revealed today in her oral argument before the Supreme Court.

"Yes, it's true," Rove said, "the secret of Ms. Smith's success

is the fact that I'm not just Bush's brain."

Justice Scalia couldn't decide which he liked better:

duck hunting with Dick Cheney in Louisiana,

or watching Anna Nicole Smith present her

stimulating 'wall-to-wall' oral argument

before the Supreme Court.

Asked what she would do if one of her daughters

were raped and became pregnant,

South Dakota Senator Julie Bartling replied:

"Like Scott McClellan, I'm not into hypotheticals."

"Pennsylvania is thataway, Hannidaters!

So send your college education bucks back east--NOW!

I promise that Rick Santorum will put your parents' money

to much better use than you ever will here at UVSC."

Anna Nicole Smith Presents Novel

'Lap Dance' Argument Before U. S. Supreme Court

"In those cases where the head is lodged

too far up the nether bifurcation,

a plexiostomy is recommended,

whereby a pane of plexiglass is

surgically implanted in the lower abdomen,

thereby restoring the ability to see where one is going."

Washington Monument

(555 Feet Tall)

Bush Monument

(555 Feet Deep)

On Sunday, Bill Kristol announced he was sending his son,

a Harvard undergraduate, on a secret mission to Iraq

for the purpose of 'taking out' al-Zarqawi.

Asked when, Bill replied:

"Right after he finishes his Ph.D."

"We here at the House of Wax are particularly proud

of this very true-to-life rendition of Bob Dole.

If he seems a little stiff, that's because, we're told,

Mr. Dole took so much Viagra his entire body got hard."

Attorney General Sees Face in Tabletop,

Explains How It Reminds Him of

'Our Lady of the Underpass'

"My emergency plexiostomy was a complete success.

I can see much better now."

Horowitz Sees Reflection in Mirror,

Calls 911

Rare Two-Headed Chupacabra

Spotted on Capitol Hill

Montana Senator says: "I wouldn't know

Abram Jackoff if he walked in the room!"

Recipient of the world's first memory transplant

now fondly recalls the years he spent

with Grover and the Sesame Street Project.

Sheikh Mistaken for Party Barge,

Allowed to Dock in the

Port of New York

"I'm confident Ambassador Bolton will

scare away all the nymphs and satyrs that now

infest the top ten floors of the UN building."

Jack Abramoff storms out

of U. S. Chamber of Commerce headquarters

after being passed over for the

'Spirit of Enterprise' Award.

After receiving the 'Spirit of Honest Graft' award

from the U. S. Chamber of Commerce,

Tom DeLay took a moment to mug for the camera.

President Bush Celebrates Nuke Agreement

with Navajos and Their Indian Allies

Remaindered Copies of Katrina Report

to Be Used as Clay Substitute

in New Orleans Levees

"By the authority granted me

under Executive Order 13292,

I have classified the Whittington

buckshot-blocking incident as 'Top Secret'.

Rest assured that any leakers will be prosecuted

to the full extent of the law."

"Unfortunately, where I teach law

I'm only permitted to torture logic."

Noted Ectomorph Rebuts

Rag-Headed Gay-Boy

"The UN's most outrageous sex scandal right now

is that I'm not getting any."

Of Kenneth Lay, it hath been written:

"He put his money where his mouth was.

And that was his last mistake."

Photo of Jonah Goldberg Taken

Just Minutes Before His Belt Finally Gave Way

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

But not this time.

Standing Next to Coultergeist,

Student in Black Hoodie Gives Speaker

the Sign of the Double-Humpback Whale

Now Showing at Indiana University,

That 60s Classic, The Loved One:

"Something to Offend Everybody"

Governor Rounds to Add

South Dakota's Wombs

to His Real Estate Empire

Richard Perle Just After a

Bit of Iraq Blew into His Left Eye

Master-Blaster

Live and Direct, Rita Cosby Does Her

Famous Kissing Gourami Impression

Senator Greenfield couldn't understand

why eHarmony's Compatibility Matching System

hadn't worked for him.

"Need a hunting license or abortion ban?

Well, come on over to Greenfield's Short Stop

and we'll fix you right up."

Ike had warned Mitch about the dangers of

the Military-Industrial Complex.

But he just wouldn't listen.

"Just remember three things, folks.

I'm Michael Reagan.

Bill Buckley should be hanged for treason.

And the Father is omnipresent."

"Calm down, Dave.

I just washed my hands in Pilate's washbowl,

and they are now completely clean.

See."