The Washington Post reports that the government

of the United States will spend over $50 billion in 2007 for

spooks who work for the CIA, DIA, FBI, NSA, and BIR.

Happy Halloween, Everybody!

Did you know Michelle Malkin is left-handed? As such, that

automatically makes her (1) sinister, (2) gauche, (3) maladroit,

(4) awkward, (5) clumsy, (6) a member of a minority, and (7)

a victim of discrimination.

No wonder she has a persecution complex.

Are you in the market for a pre-owned Armored Personnel Carrier?

The Iraqi street price right now is at an all-time low, so if you're

interested, you'd better act pronto.

Where Modern-Day Disciples of John the Baptist

Buy Their Helmets

Tehran, home of the world's largest handmade carpet,

will host this year's Great Vacuum Cleaner Suckoff.

Police Still Failing to Keep Drag Racing Off DC Streets

Sukru Elekdag didn't know how much longer he could

keep balancing Turkey's political leadership on his head.

As a result of his party's defeat in the recent parliamentary

elections, Polish Prime Minister Jaroslaw Kaczynski will beresigning on November 5. Observers say his fall from power

has really deflated his ego.

Cassandra predicted that men would stare at

her breasts, but nobody would believe her.

Congressman John Murtha Backs Earmark

to Establish Pennsylvania Pork Barrel Museum

Although polls show no improvement in the world's view of the

U.S. since she took over, Karen Hughes did manage to get the

budget for public diplomacy doubled to over $900 million annually.

When she heard she had resigned as Undersecretary of

State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs, Karen

Hughes smiled for the first time in two years.

Basebrawl, America's Pastime

"I'm so tired, I haven't slept a wink

I'm so tired, my mind is on the blink

I wonder should I get up and fix myself a drink

I'm so tired, George Bush is such a fink."

"Jeebus!" thought the little boy. "This guy's so lazy

even his lymphoma is indolent!"

If you are fishing for Turkish soldiers, did you

know you can run a trot line with up to 25 hooks

on a non-commercial license?

Joining Norman Podhoretz, Daniel Pipes, Thomas Joscelyn,

and Michael Rubin on Rudy Giuliani's foreign policy team

are Chag and Jix. Their advice will undoubtedly prove

invaluable as he develops new proposals for dealing with

space invaders and the Galactic War on Terror.

Guinness World Records Sets New World Record

for Number of World Records

Don't bother wondering if a butterfly can re-enter

its chrysalis. It can't even re-fold a map properly.

Dick Cheney Uncovers Sleeper Cell of Confederate

Soldiers at Clove Valley Rod and Gun Club

The Great Well of China

The workman didn't know it, but he was about

to be swatted like a fly.

"Hey, Zebe! Still interested in finding out what

it's like to be a dolphin?"

Fake, Apolitical Steven Boylan

Real, Politicized Steven Boylan

Be careful how you look at this picture of Col.

Steven A. Boylan, the Public Affairs Officer and

personal spokesman for Gen. David G. Petraeus.

If you look at it the right way, Steven is smiling and

offering you exclusive access to insider information.

If you look at it the wrong way, he is frowning and

denying it's his picture. Just ask Glenn Greenwald.

Chopper to the Sweet By and By

If God delivered Donnie McClurkin from homosexuality,

who will deliver Barack Obama from Donnie McClurkin?

World's Worst Jobs #63

Indian Gunpowder Mixer

"Ah, bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran,

Bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran."

The Senate Judiciary Committee has decided to waterboard

Michael Mukasey, the nominee for Attorney-General. The

rationale for this procedure is simple: if Mr. Mukasey doesn't

scream, beg for mercy, or admit he hates puppies, the Committee

will agree waterboarding is not torture and vote unanimously

to pass his nomination to the Senate floor.

Tom Tancredo warns that unless he is elected President of the

United States, he will take revenge on America by refusing

to run for re-election to the House of Representatives.

The Last Thing the Mouse Ever Saw

If you've ever played in a concert band or symphony,

you know that bassoonists are a breed apart.

Land Shark Greets Fred Thompson's

'Joke without a Punchline' Tour

You can't be a Republican presidential candidate

without having a favorite fallacy. Rudy Giuliani's,

for example, is the Argumentum ad Baculum.

Kathy Heyndel's Latest Creation, 'Unmade Bed

at the Fitz, Sunday Morning'

World's Worst Jobs #62

Palestinian Rubble Shovelers

Algerian boy says, "Circumcision hurts in any language!"

Beware the Media Goatsucker!

FEMA Holds a Press Conference

Johnny Rotten, Aging Sex Pistol, Fires Blanks

"No, you can't go play with that low-class Kia Rio!

You're a high-class Jaguar and don't you ever forget it!"

The doctor could tell that giving the patient a

complete physical was going to be problematic.

General Pace Develops Permanent Stoop from

Wearing Humility Medals

Four Reasons We Are All Doomed

When he awoke, the Silver Surfer sensed that

something was not quite right with his legs.

Tony and Julie will tell you there's nothing quite like being

watched making love in an Airbus 380 at 30,000 feet.

"Help!" the jack-o'-lantern yelled.

"A grizzly is invading my privacy!"

Is the glass half full of Christoph Blocher, or half empty?